Generation X cherry-picked the best bits of Baby Boomers and Millennials. But this also means we are the feral middle child. We shouldn’t be underestimated or antagonised. We’ve been MacGyvering solutions since age seven and have a low tolerance for those who can’t figure out basic life skills.

Yeah, we looked harmless enough back then in our double denim, but now we don’t give a damn. And here’s why…

Generation X Music

1. We paid for records, then paid for tapes, then paid for CDs. Now we’re paying for monthly subscriptions for music we’ve already bought three times over!

2. Our rock ‘n’ roll heroes were scrappy trailblazers with bad teeth. Don’t believe me? How about:

1. David Bowie
2. Freddie Mercury
3. Sid Vicious
4. Shane MacGowan
5. Keith Richards
6. Angus Young

3. We waited all day (or even days) to tape our favourite song off the radio—only to have the DJ talk all over the bloody intro.

Technology

4. We’re now tech support to Baby Boomers – and that’s a job nobody asked for.

5. We were survivors before the show Survivor was a glint in reality TV’s eye. We figured out how to entertain ourselves without constant Wi-Fi. Plus, we had to wait an entire week to see the next episode of our favourite shows. Barbaric.

6. We had to remember phone numbers. And private conversations were only as private as the length of the phone cord.

7. We’re older than Google. That means we spent days at the library gathering information for a school assignment.

8. We can navigate both a card catalog AND a smartphone with equal skill. Generation X are techy shapeshifters, and that makes us unpredictable.

Generation X bathroom products

9. We used skincare that stripped our skin of every oil it had. Remember Ten-O-Six lotion? It was probably petrol. The fact that it was sold by the pint should’ve rung alarm bells.

10. We used Factor 4 suntan oil. And that’s only if the Factor 2 had sold out! More of a chicken marinade than effective sun protection.

11. We wore sanitary pads that can only be described as small surfboards. There was no chance of wearing bikinis and gym shorts with these industrial-grade lady products.

12. Our eyebrows have been violated time and again:

• 1970s: Thin and way above the natural brow line. Women looked surprised a lot of the time. #donnasummer
• 1980s: Natural and untamed. Surprisingly, not permed.
• 1990s: Pencil-thin to the point they may not be there. The best decade to own a tweezer factory.

Generation X are now …

• Perimenopausal or menopausal.
• OR know someone who is perimenopausal or menopausal and could use help finding their phone.
• OR are living with someone who is perimenopausal or menopausal and could use help finding their phone.
• OR are unlucky enough to tick all the above.

Generation X has survived every cultural apocalypse thrown at them. Gone through fashion extremes, from the death of grunge to the rise of reality TV. We’ve seen empires rise and fall, watched our favourite bands break up, and somehow managed to remain functional human beings.